Thursday, November 13, 2008


sorry it took so long but i had to let it marinate a little…

in the words of the great ricky bobby…”that just happened”…and it felt good…even better than that time i kissed deidre patterson on the playground as recess was wrapping up…don't tell her i told yall though...i was in the awest of awe as i drove through the streets of inglewood heading home after the election night watch party, i felt like the skies were a little clearer, the world a little brighter and the gun shots a little louder…did i mention i was in inglewood…i misplaced my list of “what not to do’s” on nov 5 so i’m sure i broke at least a couple of the rules…and for those who i may’ve offended…so what…we got a black president…

i was reminded that it still ain’t all good as my sister told me how she was introduced to the term “ossassination” as she left an election party in greenville sc where she had been campaigning for the new president elect…sobering as her story was it still wasn’t enough to steal my joy…at every party you’re gonna have ice and assholes…one of them always runs out too soon and the other one won’t run out soon enough…but the story did quickly remind me that all is not well…there are definitely some folks who aren’t as excited as i am about mr…i’m sorry…president elect obama’s recent victory…and here are a few other folks i could think of…

john mccain…for obvious reasons…he was this close to getting the government to buy 10 of his houses back…

republicans…just put your head down and tough it out…that’s what we’ve been doing the last 8 years…besides…you know there rule…puff puff pass…

missouri…you tried so hard to matter this time…

oprah winfrey…sorry, you’re no longer the most powerful black person in america…or are you…it’s kind of odd how barack’s campaign really took off after she anointed him “the one”…maybe barack was the first beneficiary of oprah’s new “black of the month” club…i hope i’m next…

racist people…you have got to feel a sea water, movie popcorn, extra iodized, excess lawry's in your glory greens, girl in the yellow rain coat, index finger tips after 73 store brand ruffle potato chips, poorly chlorinated pool water, bottom of the mcdonald's french fry bin, yellow snow, capital NA CL type of salty right now...get over it…you might as well start calling the white house africa…because on jan 20th , we’re all going back…and look at the bright side...he's half white too...but something tells me that's not enough for you...

undercover racist people…now you have a black president to go with your one black friend…

alaskan moose...she's coming back...run for your lives...

george w…sorry…this time we wanted our president to be smart…but you do know you had to REALLY screw up for this to happen…

smart black 1st graders at such and such elementary school…you gotta come up with a new goal to strive for now that first black president is already taken…first funny cast member of house of payne is still open though...

flava flav…there’s a real black male role model cutting into your tv time…and not a moment too soon…

dark skinned dudes…you had a nice run but you had to see the end coming when wesley snipes decided to stop paying his taxes and tiger woods won the masters…

lincoln and clinton…you’re now our 2nd and 3rd favorite presidents…but don't worry sanders you're still our favorite colonel…

the secret service…no sleep for the next 8 years…

the young thugs/bball allstars/rappers in training…what are you going to fall back on now…the way i see it, today your odds are the same to become president of the united states as they are to become mvp of the nba or the best rapper alive…now that i think about it, you don’t even have to be from here to win nba mvp… the days of shucking and cooning have to come to an end…so i suggest you put the pimp cup down, pull your pants up and start practicing that acceptance speech…we have an image to uphold…

barack obama…failing economy, ill fated war in iraq, pending beef with afghanistan, russia and north korea and real and chance with their own tv show…you done stepped in some deep ish now…but we’re all behind you…so don’t go getting all marion berry/kwame kilpatrick on us…if you get caught smoking crack, sleeping with members of your staff or anything else stupid there will be 66,602,400 individuals waiting outside to cut your nuts off…with jessie jackson being the first in line…


it’s a new day in america…and in black america especially…this is definitely not to take anything away from my white, latino and asian american brothers and sisters…it took us all to create this historic accomplishment…but my community descended from africans offloaded on eastern american shores for the soul purpose of being inferior…from the coast of west africa through the middle passage and slavery in the 1600’s…through the 3/5ths compromise of the late 1700’s…through partial emancipation in the 1800’s…through the rampant bigotry and lynching of the early 1900’s…through emmett till 4/28/55…the little rock 9 in 1957…malcolm x 2/21/65…mlk jr 4/4/68…through jheri curls and hammer pants…through lil john and flavor flav…to 11/4/08…to 1/20/09…back to 1600… pennsylvania avenue that is…plastic covered furniture and everything…but don't be fooled...there is still much work to do...but on january 20th there will be a party in washington dc the likes of which the world has never seen...you might say "hey...yall can't sell rhinestone obama tshirts at the washington monument or fire up the charcoal bbq at the lincoln memorial or c walk across the white house lawn"...and i simply reply..."yes we can"...
mikecraig...
ps...yall better not get any bbq sauce on lincoln's timbs...