I'm Just Sayin' by mikecraig...
…it’s football season…shut up…
dear wifey, live in girlfriend, live out girlfriend, chick i’m kinda seeing, chick i plan to meet between now and February,
i’m drafting this letter as a friendly reminder that in about a week’s time, football season will again be upon us. i thought this might be the proper time to reacquaint you with the rules of football season; some “do’s and don’ts” (but mostly don’ts) if you will. first of all, i want you to know how much i really care about you and how i love your new haircut, your new chest hair removal system and that dress you’re going to ask me about. there, that should answer every question you plan to ask me during the several games i plan on watching over the next 5 months. you see, football time is sacred…borderline religious and any attempt to interrupt the watching of it is akin to blasphemy. with that said, as long as the game is on, i don’t care if you have a headache, how cute number 89 is, what that bitch at work had the nerve to say/do, that you’re pregnant, that it’s not mine or that i don’t pay attention to you. you had all summer to tell me how i was screwing up our relationship. i didn’t listen to you then so what makes you think i’ll hear you now?
i should probably clear up a few more misconceptions. yes i can watch 5 games at one time. i will remember how my td’s l.t. had and not remember our wedding anniversary. one of those is going to make me money. the other, i’m still paying for. if you are able to wrestle me away from the television (which i wouldn’t even try) to attend some poorly planned wedding or baby shower don’t ask me if i’m having a good time because i am not. i will most likely be in some corner pressing buttons on my iphone. don’t worry. i’m not sending text messages to some floozy. i’m making sure the cowboys are covering the spread. if i get a whiff of a tv i will be drawn to it like rich black men to white chicks. but i will be easy to locate when it’s time to go home and get busy…cuz yeah…you owe me big for this one.
please don’t take this the wrong way. it’s not that i don’t love you. i just love football more…a lot more actually. but only because it’s been around longer and it never gets mad when i poot between the sheets. i understand if you decide to leave me. just know that i probably won’t notice until late January; that dead week between the conference championship games and the superbowl. and i probably won’t make a play to get you back until halftime of the pro bowl. it’s not nearly as exciting as the nba all star game which takes place the next weekend. oooh. so yeah, i probably won’t be coming after you until around march madness…dang…so maybe april; assuming i still remember your name…and i haven’t met another chick that actually likes football. those are my favorites.
why are you crying? no. i really do care for you. to prove it, i wrote you this poem.
roses are red
violets are blue
that boy darren mcfadden
is gonna be one bad dude…
so yeah, i look forward to staring at you blankly for the next few days. but after that……
sincerely yours,
the avid football fan
mike craig…
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Saturday, August 02, 2008
say it with me…he’s not that into you…
it’s been done before…on a grand scale…it was all the rage…the “in” thing to say…but for some reason, it just didn’t stick…there are a lot of you still playing this waiting game…hoping to figure out if this cat is really trying to be about you…let me make this simple…no…now I could go off and write another book on the subject or we can just cut through the bs and get directly to the point…it’s not that hard to let someone know that you’re feeling them…especially if you already know they’re feeling you…some of you are still looking at me confused…and I figured you’d do that so I’ve come up with a quick cheat sheet for you to follow…you can even print it out, laminate it and keep it in your nice expensive purse…here we go…again…this time pay attention…he’s not that into you if:
it’s been done before…on a grand scale…it was all the rage…the “in” thing to say…but for some reason, it just didn’t stick…there are a lot of you still playing this waiting game…hoping to figure out if this cat is really trying to be about you…let me make this simple…no…now I could go off and write another book on the subject or we can just cut through the bs and get directly to the point…it’s not that hard to let someone know that you’re feeling them…especially if you already know they’re feeling you…some of you are still looking at me confused…and I figured you’d do that so I’ve come up with a quick cheat sheet for you to follow…you can even print it out, laminate it and keep it in your nice expensive purse…here we go…again…this time pay attention…he’s not that into you if:
he’s consistently inconsistent…sometimes he acts like he likes you and sometimes he doesn’t…
his action never really seem to match his words…he says he wants you but treats you like a cousin…
he’s extremely difficult to catch up with…his job is not that stressful, his moms is not that sick, his baby mama ain’t tripping that hard and his car ain’t that raggedy…
none of your text messages ever seem to get through…
he never makes an effort to see you…yall only get together because you request it…
he hits you in the face (or anywhere else for that matter)…those aren’t love taps…
he never remembers anything you tell him…
he already has 4 kids by 3 different women…there may be a pattern developing here…
he talks to you about other female conquest…
he spends your entire date sending text messages to someone else…
he ask you to hook him up with one of your friends…
he’s already dating/sleeping with another one of your friends…
he routinely calls you other names…
he’s married…he’ll never leave his wife…it’s too expensive…
yall never go out for dates…only popcorn dinners and blockbuster movies…
all your “dates” start after 11:45 pm…or after the club…
he’s never there when you wake up the next morning…enough said…
you’ve never met his friends/family…
you meet his friends/family and they’ve never heard of you…
he seems to miss all these clues you’ve been dropping…he’s not that slow…
he likes trying on your clothes…again…enough said…
he’s a black man and you’re a black woman ;-)…that was a joke…don’t believe the hype ladies…
there are still a few of us that love your hips and lips…
please note…no single one of these signs means you’re fighting for a lost cause…but if you’ve checked off three or more, your “relationship” is probably a bit one-sided…but alas…all is not lost...i can tell you how to get him/keep him interested....oh dang…looks like my time is up…guess that's another blog for another day...
mikecraig…
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
the big one 7/29/08
so it's 11:40-ish in the am and i'm sitting at my desk trying to find new innovative ways to look busy while at the same time wasting company money when all of a sudden it happened...i pooted...don't judge me...i have my own office...i wasn't expecting any visitors and any visitors that may've shown up should've called first...i digress...as the poot was lacing it's way through the denim to join his friends and family at the poot reunion that is my office chair, i felt a bit of a rumble...but this one wasn't from the inside...my first thought was that the rapture had begun and jesus had picked up our building to take it to the promise land and was trying to find a way to shake me out of it...but then reality set in...he wouldn't do that...he loves me...this i know...cuz the bible tells me so...it then dawned on me...i wasn't the only one pooting then...apparently the earths crust had a little energy it needed to release as well...it was indeed, my first earthquake experience...since we've never had an earthquake drill, i was a bit puzzled as to what my next move should be...should i jump in the door frame, jump under the desk or just stuff my pockets with all of my desk drawer candy so that after la was destroyed i could rise from the rubble as the king of suckers and breath mints...while stuck in decision making mode i realized that the shaking had stopped...and the aftershocks were now occurring 2 inches behind my left nipple...
i checked my extremities...my face...my neck...my back...my uh just like that...dammit...i hate when that happens...anyway...all seemed to be in tact...so then i grabbed my back pack and set out to do what all la inhabitants do in times like these...loot...a little weighted down by all the candy , i jumped through the window of our company store like the dude at the beginning of wanted...i then bounced to my feet and started grabbing all the lawry's and vaseline cocoa body butter i (and my satchel) could hold...then i made a dash out to the parking lot so i could off load the goods in my get away car...imagine my surprise when i get to the parking lot and realize all of my co-workers waiting patiently at the "pre-established safe points"...looking at me like i done stole something...shit...it's pretty easy to catch looters when there's only one of them...so yeah...i may be in need of some legal assistance...
in any event...thanks to those who checked in on me...and to those that didn't...i'm fine...no thanks to you...my crib was cool...so was cryspus attucks and the rest of my belongings...halle and the baby are fine as well...i kinda felt sorry for all of the news reporters though...scouring the city for that good footage...but all they kept showing was the same grocery store aisle with the 3 tubes of toothpaste tragically laid out on the floor...
i checked my extremities...my face...my neck...my back...my uh just like that...dammit...i hate when that happens...anyway...all seemed to be in tact...so then i grabbed my back pack and set out to do what all la inhabitants do in times like these...loot...a little weighted down by all the candy , i jumped through the window of our company store like the dude at the beginning of wanted...i then bounced to my feet and started grabbing all the lawry's and vaseline cocoa body butter i (and my satchel) could hold...then i made a dash out to the parking lot so i could off load the goods in my get away car...imagine my surprise when i get to the parking lot and realize all of my co-workers waiting patiently at the "pre-established safe points"...looking at me like i done stole something...shit...it's pretty easy to catch looters when there's only one of them...so yeah...i may be in need of some legal assistance...
in any event...thanks to those who checked in on me...and to those that didn't...i'm fine...no thanks to you...my crib was cool...so was cryspus attucks and the rest of my belongings...halle and the baby are fine as well...i kinda felt sorry for all of the news reporters though...scouring the city for that good footage...but all they kept showing was the same grocery store aisle with the 3 tubes of toothpaste tragically laid out on the floor...
this morning i heard them saying that quakes like that one are sometimes precursors to larger more destructive ones...which also means that sometimes they're not...i'm kinda hoping for the latter...my drawers can't take any more soil...
i've attached the action shots from yesterdays ordeal...the first one is a reenactment of the look on my face during the quake...the second one captures all of the destruction that beset my office...oh yeah..let me know if you need any seasoning salt or body butter...i'm just sayin...
mikecraig…
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
who voted on this one...
you see...i was wit it when we decided we wanted to get our hair all greasy and curly...and i was right there when we decided it was cool to spin on our backs on strategically placed pieces of cardboard...and i was all in favor when we took on rap as our primary form of communication...i even tagged along when we decided to start wearing our pants 2, 3, 6 sizes too big...i was cool with putting shiny shit on our cars...rode along when they started spinning...i got a little concerned when we decided that 1 out of every 6 of us needed spend some time in prison...but i'm pretty sure i'm not gonna be able to follow along with this one...actually i'm for damned certain i'm gonna have to sit this one out...it's the latest craze sweeping through the african american male community...it's life on the DL...aka part time gay...aka POKEr night...aka the "how can i most effectively spread aids through my community" contest...aka "no honey, my booty always looked like this"...
i had to draw the line somewhere and this is the perfect place to do so...first of all (let's pretend there was no paragraph before this)...let me make one thing clear...i don't have a problem with homosexuality...i don't necessarily understand it, but if a man finds fun in another man's hairy doo doo cavern...that's between that man and that cave...it ain't really my place to judge that...and if god thinks it's wrong i'm sure he'll think of a more direct route to express his disdain than some bumper sticker with a reference to adam and steve...but my thing is, if you're gonna be gay...don't be gay about it...be a man...and stand up for your ass affinity...don't take your dookie dong back to your unsuspecting wife...as if some how her 'love' can wash away your attraction to other men...what you will actually do is drop off some pain and possibly a major life span reduction...
the thing that kills me, is that these cats will truly believe they're not gay...but by definition, if you're laying up with someone that has the same tools as you...you are indeed homosexual...don't believe me?..look at the term homosexual...and trace it back to it's latin roots...homo...derived from homorous means "i like' ...and sexual, derived from sezualle means "man booty big and small"...ok so maybe i made that up, but you're still gay...so stop denying it...and stop starting these families with extra step-dads...and stop bringing aids into our community...basically, stop bullshitting...just gon ahead be gay...and let's just go back to regular cheating and families on the side...and please let me know when the next black male fad meeting is so i can at least have a say in what we're going to consider cool next...
mikecraig…
http://www.youreablackwoman.com/
you see...i was wit it when we decided we wanted to get our hair all greasy and curly...and i was right there when we decided it was cool to spin on our backs on strategically placed pieces of cardboard...and i was all in favor when we took on rap as our primary form of communication...i even tagged along when we decided to start wearing our pants 2, 3, 6 sizes too big...i was cool with putting shiny shit on our cars...rode along when they started spinning...i got a little concerned when we decided that 1 out of every 6 of us needed spend some time in prison...but i'm pretty sure i'm not gonna be able to follow along with this one...actually i'm for damned certain i'm gonna have to sit this one out...it's the latest craze sweeping through the african american male community...it's life on the DL...aka part time gay...aka POKEr night...aka the "how can i most effectively spread aids through my community" contest...aka "no honey, my booty always looked like this"...
i had to draw the line somewhere and this is the perfect place to do so...first of all (let's pretend there was no paragraph before this)...let me make one thing clear...i don't have a problem with homosexuality...i don't necessarily understand it, but if a man finds fun in another man's hairy doo doo cavern...that's between that man and that cave...it ain't really my place to judge that...and if god thinks it's wrong i'm sure he'll think of a more direct route to express his disdain than some bumper sticker with a reference to adam and steve...but my thing is, if you're gonna be gay...don't be gay about it...be a man...and stand up for your ass affinity...don't take your dookie dong back to your unsuspecting wife...as if some how her 'love' can wash away your attraction to other men...what you will actually do is drop off some pain and possibly a major life span reduction...
the thing that kills me, is that these cats will truly believe they're not gay...but by definition, if you're laying up with someone that has the same tools as you...you are indeed homosexual...don't believe me?..look at the term homosexual...and trace it back to it's latin roots...homo...derived from homorous means "i like' ...and sexual, derived from sezualle means "man booty big and small"...ok so maybe i made that up, but you're still gay...so stop denying it...and stop starting these families with extra step-dads...and stop bringing aids into our community...basically, stop bullshitting...just gon ahead be gay...and let's just go back to regular cheating and families on the side...and please let me know when the next black male fad meeting is so i can at least have a say in what we're going to consider cool next...
mikecraig…
http://www.youreablackwoman.com/
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
reunited and it feels so good...
there has been a lot of chatter coming from dejected hilary clinton supporters in recent weeks about their desire to throw their support behind some guy named mccain...these ladies (and i think i saw a gay guy on larry king too)have cited senator clinton's mistreatment throughout the democratic primary season as the main reason for dipping out on the donkey party...and frankly...i don't understand...i agree that there were several outrageous comments made about clinton...but most of these were shot out by right winged political pundits who drew joy from seeing the democratic party come apart at the seams...and this is who you're going to let steer your voting boat...furthermore...when was the last time the republican party invited a woman to the convention for anything other than drink serving and lap dancing...you're foolish to believe that since your candidate lost a fair hotly contested battle that your needs would be better served by old man mccain...both obama and clinton have admitted on several occassions that the policy differences between them were miniscule at best...a mere rounding error in this argument of foreign policy, healthcare and tax breaks for the average working american...if you're looking for a change on any of these fronts, the republican party is definitely not the place to look...it's kinda like looking for allen iverson's name on the list of honoroary klan inductees this year...probably won't find it...i know the race was grueling, the loss extremely painful but we can't allow that to change what we all agreed were the right next steps for this country to take...we must bring the troops home...we have to put money back into the households that really need it and we definitely have to make sure that the most powerful country on the face of the planet has health care for all of its inhabitants...so if you're considering switching...don't do it...reconsider...read some literature...on the subject...you sure...well kuf it...cause essentially that's what you're saying to the policies and ideals senator clinton has been fighting for these last 19+ months...
there has been a lot of chatter coming from dejected hilary clinton supporters in recent weeks about their desire to throw their support behind some guy named mccain...these ladies (and i think i saw a gay guy on larry king too)have cited senator clinton's mistreatment throughout the democratic primary season as the main reason for dipping out on the donkey party...and frankly...i don't understand...i agree that there were several outrageous comments made about clinton...but most of these were shot out by right winged political pundits who drew joy from seeing the democratic party come apart at the seams...and this is who you're going to let steer your voting boat...furthermore...when was the last time the republican party invited a woman to the convention for anything other than drink serving and lap dancing...you're foolish to believe that since your candidate lost a fair hotly contested battle that your needs would be better served by old man mccain...both obama and clinton have admitted on several occassions that the policy differences between them were miniscule at best...a mere rounding error in this argument of foreign policy, healthcare and tax breaks for the average working american...if you're looking for a change on any of these fronts, the republican party is definitely not the place to look...it's kinda like looking for allen iverson's name on the list of honoroary klan inductees this year...probably won't find it...i know the race was grueling, the loss extremely painful but we can't allow that to change what we all agreed were the right next steps for this country to take...we must bring the troops home...we have to put money back into the households that really need it and we definitely have to make sure that the most powerful country on the face of the planet has health care for all of its inhabitants...so if you're considering switching...don't do it...reconsider...read some literature...on the subject...you sure...well kuf it...cause essentially that's what you're saying to the policies and ideals senator clinton has been fighting for these last 19+ months...
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
michael vick...the unpopular opinion...
so we finally nailed this bastard and if you ask me, 23 months is not enough time for his despicable and heinous acts...i mean what he did to those little girls was deplorable to say the least...wait...what's that...there were no little girls involved...oh yeah...my bad...how he molested those little boys was definitely a travesty...huh...he didn't do that either...was there a rape involved...at least a random party go-er with a black eye...no...so what did he do exactly...what...say that again...he killed some dogs...you're kidding me right...so catholic priest can play with pre-pubescent privates and get relocated but mr vick gets fed time for killing some pit bulls...was the pit bull recently added to the endangered species list...are these pit bulls more cuddly and friendly than the ones i remember from my youth...they're not huh...well then i don't see what the big deal is...in the weeks leading up to michael vicks dog fighting confessions and subsequent sentencing, i sat idly by watching him get torched in the media and in the court of public opinion...every part of me wanted to be as outraged as everyone else seemed to be...kinda like when you're in church and everybody gets the holy ghost and it somehow skips you over...but at some point i had to come to grips with the fact that i don't really love dogs that much...i mean...i don't dislike them enough to drown them or hang them...but, unlike most of america i have them placed in a category that i like to call "animal"...you know...the group that also contains the likes of deer, minks, rats, chinchilla, rabbits, turkeys, chickens, ducks, quails, cows, salmon etc...america, in all of its glory, still seems to have something to learn about crime and punishment...we're losing young men and women by the thousands over in iraq for oil...6 young men in jena la are currently being railroaded by the american justice system...there are untold thousands of PEOPLE living under overpasses and eating from garbage cans...our educational system is failing...genocide in darfur...women getting beaten and raped...drugs and violence running rampant in our communities...my local liquor store raised the price of hennessey...etc etc...but all this hooplah about a dead animal...we have whole seasons dedicated to killing animals...then we chop their heads off and hang them on our walls...at least these pits got the opportunity to fight for their right to live unlike bambi and them...so...with all that said...allow me to be the first to say...fuck a dog...free mike vick.......and stop looking at me like that...i'm just sayin...
so we finally nailed this bastard and if you ask me, 23 months is not enough time for his despicable and heinous acts...i mean what he did to those little girls was deplorable to say the least...wait...what's that...there were no little girls involved...oh yeah...my bad...how he molested those little boys was definitely a travesty...huh...he didn't do that either...was there a rape involved...at least a random party go-er with a black eye...no...so what did he do exactly...what...say that again...he killed some dogs...you're kidding me right...so catholic priest can play with pre-pubescent privates and get relocated but mr vick gets fed time for killing some pit bulls...was the pit bull recently added to the endangered species list...are these pit bulls more cuddly and friendly than the ones i remember from my youth...they're not huh...well then i don't see what the big deal is...in the weeks leading up to michael vicks dog fighting confessions and subsequent sentencing, i sat idly by watching him get torched in the media and in the court of public opinion...every part of me wanted to be as outraged as everyone else seemed to be...kinda like when you're in church and everybody gets the holy ghost and it somehow skips you over...but at some point i had to come to grips with the fact that i don't really love dogs that much...i mean...i don't dislike them enough to drown them or hang them...but, unlike most of america i have them placed in a category that i like to call "animal"...you know...the group that also contains the likes of deer, minks, rats, chinchilla, rabbits, turkeys, chickens, ducks, quails, cows, salmon etc...america, in all of its glory, still seems to have something to learn about crime and punishment...we're losing young men and women by the thousands over in iraq for oil...6 young men in jena la are currently being railroaded by the american justice system...there are untold thousands of PEOPLE living under overpasses and eating from garbage cans...our educational system is failing...genocide in darfur...women getting beaten and raped...drugs and violence running rampant in our communities...my local liquor store raised the price of hennessey...etc etc...but all this hooplah about a dead animal...we have whole seasons dedicated to killing animals...then we chop their heads off and hang them on our walls...at least these pits got the opportunity to fight for their right to live unlike bambi and them...so...with all that said...allow me to be the first to say...fuck a dog...free mike vick.......and stop looking at me like that...i'm just sayin...
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
like I always do at this time…
you already know what it is…work has been all up in my innards recently so I haven’t had a chance to play with the keyboard like I really would like to but I still had to hit you with the thanksgiving 2007 list…just a “few” people/things/memories that I’m still thankful for…and with that…I bring to you…thanksgiving 3.0…
p craig for repeatedly correcting my grammar...i really didn’t understand it back then...
k craig for periodically spitting in that dudes water...
f craig for biting my jaw when you were supposed to be kissing my cheek...
m joshi for getting more love than me on my b-day weekend…
s bell for rolling to st. george island that one time...
s brown for putting me up on the hattiesburg night life…
c gunn for inviting me to 2 of the best times of 2007…
mrs. c gunn for rescuing the homie from this dirty game...
s murphy for teaching me philipino curse words…
m story for at least giving me a chance to get at some of these ladies…
e barnes for that one blog idea...and the always timely rcd’s...
t baker for joining me and the homies at the pre-b-day party lunch
r gherls for thugging through your sickness to meet me in columbus circle...
t houston-riley for deciding to do THAT again…congratulations…
f carter for only calling me with bad news…
t matthews for rolling with me to the fake bennihana’s...
b jones for checking on the old crib in my absence...
j holiday protecting me at elevations...the club on the hill…
e jenkins for taking in the brazilian rhythms…
m lilly for showing me what true anita baker love looks like…
t noel for making it happen for black folks in the rock…
r noel for serving up them hors d’oeuvres…
t brown for missing all my parties…
k yokely for putting me on the roomie…
c hampshire for the hook up on them goodies… http://www.southerngirldesserts.com/
t woodbury for getting your boy to get us them drinks at the bowling alley…
q wilson for that stair tent thing…oh and that a & s scenario…
n azali for being the only cincy cat I haven’t heard from…what’s up nucca…
e azali for allowing me to help you curb your drinking problem…
y caviness for canceling t-giving…who does that…
c strickland for allowing me to hold on to the evoo until i get some liquor in return...
s baxter for that whole yacht idea…
t slaughter for always being willing to pop off a 3 way…the old school way…
e rutledge for making that move out west…I know it’s coming…
ap brodie for choosing to disappear for all of 2007…
ad brodie for continuing to threaten to move away…
a plana for joining me at the standard…
b howell for taking in the rose parade through the window…
d jones for them new connects…
t massey for hosting the post game after party that one night…
j mcduffie for turning my first time into a movie…I just need my royalty check…
y baez for putting me on “kiss n grind”…although I haven’t been back yet…
j holt for giving me the update on that monroe water situation…
r dailey for being the passport stamp “gettin’est” cat I know…
l u mccarly for keeping me posted on the worlds financial matters…
s mclendon for acting grown in the chi…
l jenkins for one of the longest anonymous conversations in recent (and not so recent) history…
r rosemond for at least trying to steer me in the “write” direction…
j n battle for putting me up on spots in my own neighborhood…
w clark for keeping me on top of the latest cincy happenings…
b beasely davis for the greatest myspace message ever...
w cooper for putting me down with all the hollywood starlets…
a lewis for repping the rock and rosebudd…
c adams for still being the most foolish cat I know…
k robinson for giving me my very own weekend...
c mcdade for sneaking in to LA and stealing ladies when we’re not looking…
a marsh just cuz I kinda miss them house parties…
j harris for randomly appearing at ucla that one day...
s oscar for never coming to visit…whahappen…
s koiner for given me the opportunity to “converse” with ms. knowles....
d gould for convincing me to join the las vegas caravan...
e hillsman for being frank lucas jr...p days for losing your keys…hilarious…
r robertson for taking care of all the ladies that matt and cj left behind…
a nesbitt for just giving me a glimpse of your nyc life…
r maples for the 2nd livest b-day celebration of 07 ;-)...
s owens for making them moves up in detroit…
m ewing for never telling me about the new homies...
m ford for falling off the face of the planet after you moved out…
t eppenger for getting me to the roof at verve...
m vick for trying to buy up the whole hometown…
h chu - horton for giving me my first catholic wedding experience…
r solomon always holding me down in the city...
c wright for always canceling on me…
j davis for hooking me up with your sister…it’s about that time…
s quinlan for letting me tag along with you and the homies…
t parker for refusing to shake my hand when we 1st met…
d williams for introducing me to all your friends…you were a good investment…
b simmonds for making that last minute appearance at the b-day joint...
m geter-cartright for intimidating me to come clean…”us mariness”…
d bullard for being a young legit rick ross…
j brown for not taking advantage of me…
t harris for the dyson...
c ingram for the new addition…still waiting on that call though…
s binns for not sharing any of them cookies…
c james for running up on me at circuit city that one time…
w kolston for not inviting me up…
s fulgham for periodically dipping into that diary…
an lewis for still not giving in to the virtual friend craze…
d fowler for calling to invite me somewhere then never calling again…m bolden-?????? for the little skunk…congrats homie…
k brown staying on that grind…and not keeping up with your boy at all…
s daniel for periodically changing my name for no reason…
s moore for inviting us to the surprise b-day celebration in the lou that time…
e vanross for protecting me in syracuse…never knew it was that real…
a hodgen for vacuuming that one time…and for controlling the b-ham drug game...
c kinnebrew for black film fest weekend…oh wait a minute…
m mobley never inviting me to the chi town mansion…
a 3000 for the hottest verse of the 2007…
little rock…I’m there 12/21 – 12/26
then I’m fallin through atlanta for new year’s (12/29 - 1/2)…anybody planning on being in the area hit me up…
you already know what it is…work has been all up in my innards recently so I haven’t had a chance to play with the keyboard like I really would like to but I still had to hit you with the thanksgiving 2007 list…just a “few” people/things/memories that I’m still thankful for…and with that…I bring to you…thanksgiving 3.0…
p craig for repeatedly correcting my grammar...i really didn’t understand it back then...
k craig for periodically spitting in that dudes water...
f craig for biting my jaw when you were supposed to be kissing my cheek...
m joshi for getting more love than me on my b-day weekend…
s bell for rolling to st. george island that one time...
s brown for putting me up on the hattiesburg night life…
c gunn for inviting me to 2 of the best times of 2007…
mrs. c gunn for rescuing the homie from this dirty game...
s murphy for teaching me philipino curse words…
m story for at least giving me a chance to get at some of these ladies…
e barnes for that one blog idea...and the always timely rcd’s...
t baker for joining me and the homies at the pre-b-day party lunch
r gherls for thugging through your sickness to meet me in columbus circle...
t houston-riley for deciding to do THAT again…congratulations…
f carter for only calling me with bad news…
t matthews for rolling with me to the fake bennihana’s...
b jones for checking on the old crib in my absence...
j holiday protecting me at elevations...the club on the hill…
e jenkins for taking in the brazilian rhythms…
m lilly for showing me what true anita baker love looks like…
t noel for making it happen for black folks in the rock…
r noel for serving up them hors d’oeuvres…
t brown for missing all my parties…
k yokely for putting me on the roomie…
c hampshire for the hook up on them goodies… http://www.southerngirldesserts.com/
t woodbury for getting your boy to get us them drinks at the bowling alley…
q wilson for that stair tent thing…oh and that a & s scenario…
n azali for being the only cincy cat I haven’t heard from…what’s up nucca…
e azali for allowing me to help you curb your drinking problem…
y caviness for canceling t-giving…who does that…
c strickland for allowing me to hold on to the evoo until i get some liquor in return...
s baxter for that whole yacht idea…
t slaughter for always being willing to pop off a 3 way…the old school way…
e rutledge for making that move out west…I know it’s coming…
ap brodie for choosing to disappear for all of 2007…
ad brodie for continuing to threaten to move away…
a plana for joining me at the standard…
b howell for taking in the rose parade through the window…
d jones for them new connects…
t massey for hosting the post game after party that one night…
j mcduffie for turning my first time into a movie…I just need my royalty check…
y baez for putting me on “kiss n grind”…although I haven’t been back yet…
j holt for giving me the update on that monroe water situation…
r dailey for being the passport stamp “gettin’est” cat I know…
l u mccarly for keeping me posted on the worlds financial matters…
s mclendon for acting grown in the chi…
l jenkins for one of the longest anonymous conversations in recent (and not so recent) history…
r rosemond for at least trying to steer me in the “write” direction…
j n battle for putting me up on spots in my own neighborhood…
w clark for keeping me on top of the latest cincy happenings…
b beasely davis for the greatest myspace message ever...
w cooper for putting me down with all the hollywood starlets…
a lewis for repping the rock and rosebudd…
c adams for still being the most foolish cat I know…
k robinson for giving me my very own weekend...
c mcdade for sneaking in to LA and stealing ladies when we’re not looking…
a marsh just cuz I kinda miss them house parties…
j harris for randomly appearing at ucla that one day...
s oscar for never coming to visit…whahappen…
s koiner for given me the opportunity to “converse” with ms. knowles....
d gould for convincing me to join the las vegas caravan...
e hillsman for being frank lucas jr...p days for losing your keys…hilarious…
r robertson for taking care of all the ladies that matt and cj left behind…
a nesbitt for just giving me a glimpse of your nyc life…
r maples for the 2nd livest b-day celebration of 07 ;-)...
s owens for making them moves up in detroit…
m ewing for never telling me about the new homies...
m ford for falling off the face of the planet after you moved out…
t eppenger for getting me to the roof at verve...
m vick for trying to buy up the whole hometown…
h chu - horton for giving me my first catholic wedding experience…
r solomon always holding me down in the city...
c wright for always canceling on me…
j davis for hooking me up with your sister…it’s about that time…
s quinlan for letting me tag along with you and the homies…
t parker for refusing to shake my hand when we 1st met…
d williams for introducing me to all your friends…you were a good investment…
b simmonds for making that last minute appearance at the b-day joint...
m geter-cartright for intimidating me to come clean…”us mariness”…
d bullard for being a young legit rick ross…
j brown for not taking advantage of me…
t harris for the dyson...
c ingram for the new addition…still waiting on that call though…
s binns for not sharing any of them cookies…
c james for running up on me at circuit city that one time…
w kolston for not inviting me up…
s fulgham for periodically dipping into that diary…
an lewis for still not giving in to the virtual friend craze…
d fowler for calling to invite me somewhere then never calling again…m bolden-?????? for the little skunk…congrats homie…
k brown staying on that grind…and not keeping up with your boy at all…
s daniel for periodically changing my name for no reason…
s moore for inviting us to the surprise b-day celebration in the lou that time…
e vanross for protecting me in syracuse…never knew it was that real…
a hodgen for vacuuming that one time…and for controlling the b-ham drug game...
c kinnebrew for black film fest weekend…oh wait a minute…
m mobley never inviting me to the chi town mansion…
a 3000 for the hottest verse of the 2007…
little rock…I’m there 12/21 – 12/26
then I’m fallin through atlanta for new year’s (12/29 - 1/2)…anybody planning on being in the area hit me up…
Thursday, August 09, 2007
walk with me...
while talking with one of the la homies (who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent) a few nights ago the question came up...can you name your top life memories...those points in life where it just seemed like for a few seconds, hours, or maybe even the whole day, you were on top of the world...we didn’t get far into the list before the party got broken up, but it did get me to thinking...and while i thought through those times in life i couldn’t help but smile...so i decided to jot a few of them down...and after doing so i decided that i’d like to share them with you in my favorite arena...the blog (yup, imma make it seem like this was all my idea)...in these times where we tend to find ourselves caught up in the minuscule manure life hast to offer, it's nice to pause for a moment and remember those times that really make life worth living...so please...walk with me for a second...before i get started i’d like to thank any of you that helped make any of these memories possible...
- summer 1994...the 1st time in my life i realized that being black and intelligent was not only acceptable but was actually cool in some segments of the population...
- dec 17 1999 college graduation...and feeling like my days of being poor were over forever...
- miami memorial day 2003 my first vip experience...bottles popping random lap dances...realizing that this is what all the hard work was for...
- the night i found the set at fam during freshmen orientation...turned into a week long collar popping festival...dipping back to the room with pockets full of 4 digit numbers...
- one random friday about 7 weeks into my first semester at fam i got a calculus test back that i had set the curve on...it was then that i realized that college wasn't as hard as everybody had told me and that i could prolly pull it off...
- feb-mar 1998...the first time i met adult love...which surprisingly was way better than jun 1989 when i met sex...
- talking with pops about how i was "dating" twins in 3rd grade...
- the moment you realize you've made a new friend...
- standing for my high school “head band”graduation speech...
- 1st runner up mr housing in 95...and seeing everybody boo the winner and walk out cuz they thought i should've won... and i still think i got shafted in the mr magic joint...
- getting crowd love after freestyling on stage at the ll cool j homecoming concert in 96 after the 3 cats ahead of me got boo'ed...
- getting crowd love (even from kid capri and a pre fame jay z) after freestyling in a crowded hotel lobby in miami at the “how can i be down” conf in 96
- hearing myself on the radio rapping for the first...96...i was a rapping azz dude back then... "ladies and gents cleanse your ears so you can hear me, it's the 3rd episode of the college cool out series..."shout out to kookieman.com
- that first slow dance back in 90...that is correct i got some booty before i ever had my first slow dance...
- anytime a friend opens up to me for the 1st time... no you're not talking my ear off...
- anytime a blog follower tells me what made them laugh...
- anytime i've realized that somebody i like, likes me back...84 - pres
- the feeling i get anytime i realize i've come up with the perfect gift...
- receiving the perfect gift...impulsive buyers are hard to shop for...last one was prolly 06 though...
- anytime i go back and read the messages in my old yearbooks...
- sitting up and listening to my grandfather tell stories...86 - 03...
- being that ish talking spades player back in gibbs hall 95..."go ahead and put your ___ away cuz you can't ___ with this"
- buying my first bottle of henn...1999
- buying my first bottle of henn in a club...2004..wasn't really henn though...
- buying my first bottle of henn in a club and not thinking about it for weeks later...2007
- when my pops use to show up and dance in me an my sisters bedroom door in his draws 1984...hilarious
- holding a dating clinic for 14 chicks in the lobby of mc/dia valentines day 96... i started that "he's really not that into you" stuff...
- the going away party in cincy mar 06... so much love...
- the bday extravaganzicificatiotarinorium mar 07 ...again...so much love...
- the french fry/frosty dares in 97...you could've just asked me to come over...
- hearing a song (especially an older one) and having the lyrics make sense to me for the 1st time due to life experiences...
now my challenge to you...take a minute and reply/comment back with your top 5 or 10...i would say you could just write them down on your own but i'm not really sure i can trust you to do that without me looking over your shoulder...
Thursday, July 12, 2007
donde esta' la bibliotheca, pedro...
alert the authorities cuz i've breached the borders again...this time to the only place in the world with more mexicans than l. a...and no it's not texas...that's right...mexico...home of piñatas, taco bell and chihuahuas...it's north america's version of "one of these kids is doing his own thing"...or maybe more like bruh man from martin the way they keep sneaking into the country...
mexico invented hustling...simply stated, mexico is what jamaica wants to be when it grows up...
when i visit a new country i'm usually hell bent on ditching the hotel room to hug a few locals, but mexico didn't really give me that "come hug me" vibe...sure it was cool that you could buy newspapers, chico sticks, marlboros, cotton candy, batteries, a stop watch, a clown suit, and an 11 year old drug mule on the same corner...from the same 8 year old kid...but all that "let me put this gun in your face so i can relieve you of all your valuables" madness...not cool...it probably didn't help that i was in the real mexico not that soft touristy cabo/cancun jive everyone always raves about...nope...i was in cuernavaca...it's spanish for "what am i going to do with all this dope"...i think i just made that up...however it is a widely known fact that mexico is mustache deep in the drug trade...trafficking billions of dollars of blow straight across the border by any means necessary...it's so deep that i'm almost positive our little shampoo making operation down there is just a front to move more of that powder...there's got to be a reason why the plant has armed guards...and the plant manager wears a vest and rides in a maybach...and they make the employees get naked when they come to work...or maybe the ladies just did that because i was there...that was a joke mr. unilever...please don't relieve me of my shampoo flipping duties...unless you plan to give me a sizeable severance package that would allow me to lay up in a hammock, eat honey buns and write until my wit bleeds...i digress...
so i managed to survive my stint in the deep deep south without getting kidnapped, mugged or shaken down by local law enforcement...i did get a chance to tour some of cuernavaca and mexico city...both very colorful places...like maybe at some point in their history they pissed off crayola, the god of color, and he rained down hues upon them with great wrath and fury...or maybe somebody put mexico city in the washing machine with a 16 pack of magic markers...in any event, riding around looking at the buildings made me feel like i was stuck in some super-sized kaleidoscope...or maybe i was just stuck at the intersection of lsd and sherwin williams...
all in all, mexico was a positive experience...the hotel was banging...and so were some of the chicas...due to the work schedule and my bitching up at the prospects of going it alone at night, i didn't really make any new friends...but i did get to see my first cock fight...or maybe those were just feathered mexican midgets...whatever they were, they were fierce...and i managed to escape the ire of mr montezuma...to those unaware...montezuma's revenge is the term given to the watery ass-fire that usually ensues when unsuspecting americans drink from the tap (or other beverages containing local water)down here...a couple of the co-workers got done in...not pretty..
...and with that, i'll sign off but not without dispersing a few pesos (they've been grossed up to account for the conversion rate)...
417 pesos to m joshi...congrats on the promo...it was long overdue...
604 pesos to f craig...welcome to the world of steady checks...
331 pesos to s brown, t houston and l parker...welcome to the dirty thirty club...
173 pesos to l jenkins for being the first one to read down this far...
279 pesos to h box for getting me acquainted with 17 different crushes...even though i don't even know 17 people...
954 pesos to c attucks for surviving another move...
263 pesos to m wright and l mccarley in lieu of real bday presents...
262 pesos to y caviness in lieu of a real house warming present...
589 pesos to k kinte for keeping it real...
-230 pesos to s bell for being a copy cat...
11 pesos to e barnes for repetitive assessments of my dining practices...
333 pesos to m ewing to split equally between you and your 2 new friends...
179 pesos to j mcduffie for giving me my first role in a major film...you've received pesos so now you're locked into it...
56 pesos to j davis for hooking me up with big sister davis...
506 pesos to r dailey for taking the white man out of the drug trade...
whew...looks like i'm peso'ed out...
alert the authorities cuz i've breached the borders again...this time to the only place in the world with more mexicans than l. a...and no it's not texas...that's right...mexico...home of piñatas, taco bell and chihuahuas...it's north america's version of "one of these kids is doing his own thing"...or maybe more like bruh man from martin the way they keep sneaking into the country...
mexico invented hustling...simply stated, mexico is what jamaica wants to be when it grows up...
when i visit a new country i'm usually hell bent on ditching the hotel room to hug a few locals, but mexico didn't really give me that "come hug me" vibe...sure it was cool that you could buy newspapers, chico sticks, marlboros, cotton candy, batteries, a stop watch, a clown suit, and an 11 year old drug mule on the same corner...from the same 8 year old kid...but all that "let me put this gun in your face so i can relieve you of all your valuables" madness...not cool...it probably didn't help that i was in the real mexico not that soft touristy cabo/cancun jive everyone always raves about...nope...i was in cuernavaca...it's spanish for "what am i going to do with all this dope"...i think i just made that up...however it is a widely known fact that mexico is mustache deep in the drug trade...trafficking billions of dollars of blow straight across the border by any means necessary...it's so deep that i'm almost positive our little shampoo making operation down there is just a front to move more of that powder...there's got to be a reason why the plant has armed guards...and the plant manager wears a vest and rides in a maybach...and they make the employees get naked when they come to work...or maybe the ladies just did that because i was there...that was a joke mr. unilever...please don't relieve me of my shampoo flipping duties...unless you plan to give me a sizeable severance package that would allow me to lay up in a hammock, eat honey buns and write until my wit bleeds...i digress...
so i managed to survive my stint in the deep deep south without getting kidnapped, mugged or shaken down by local law enforcement...i did get a chance to tour some of cuernavaca and mexico city...both very colorful places...like maybe at some point in their history they pissed off crayola, the god of color, and he rained down hues upon them with great wrath and fury...or maybe somebody put mexico city in the washing machine with a 16 pack of magic markers...in any event, riding around looking at the buildings made me feel like i was stuck in some super-sized kaleidoscope...or maybe i was just stuck at the intersection of lsd and sherwin williams...
all in all, mexico was a positive experience...the hotel was banging...and so were some of the chicas...due to the work schedule and my bitching up at the prospects of going it alone at night, i didn't really make any new friends...but i did get to see my first cock fight...or maybe those were just feathered mexican midgets...whatever they were, they were fierce...and i managed to escape the ire of mr montezuma...to those unaware...montezuma's revenge is the term given to the watery ass-fire that usually ensues when unsuspecting americans drink from the tap (or other beverages containing local water)down here...a couple of the co-workers got done in...not pretty..
...and with that, i'll sign off but not without dispersing a few pesos (they've been grossed up to account for the conversion rate)...
417 pesos to m joshi...congrats on the promo...it was long overdue...
604 pesos to f craig...welcome to the world of steady checks...
331 pesos to s brown, t houston and l parker...welcome to the dirty thirty club...
173 pesos to l jenkins for being the first one to read down this far...
279 pesos to h box for getting me acquainted with 17 different crushes...even though i don't even know 17 people...
954 pesos to c attucks for surviving another move...
263 pesos to m wright and l mccarley in lieu of real bday presents...
262 pesos to y caviness in lieu of a real house warming present...
589 pesos to k kinte for keeping it real...
-230 pesos to s bell for being a copy cat...
11 pesos to e barnes for repetitive assessments of my dining practices...
333 pesos to m ewing to split equally between you and your 2 new friends...
179 pesos to j mcduffie for giving me my first role in a major film...you've received pesos so now you're locked into it...
56 pesos to j davis for hooking me up with big sister davis...
506 pesos to r dailey for taking the white man out of the drug trade...
whew...looks like i'm peso'ed out...
Monday, March 26, 2007
taking you old school...
now you know i had to do it...i told myself...i said "self...you're supposed to be writing this book...you need to save these words or face some form of corporal punishment"...but once i smelled that foreign air...shoooot...you know "self' couldn't resist...now turn to your neighbor and say "neighbor, i don't know why the hell i'm talking to you when i should be reading the most interesting blog posted this week...about europe...in english...containing the term extravaganzicificatiotarinorium"
now where should i begin...oh yeah...my intro...ahem...what up folks...it's your boy mikecraig...aka mr dirty thirty...
i know it's early but i'd like to pause for a second, if i may to reflect on the "i'm so hot still" b-day weekend extravaganzicificatiotarinorium...i would def like to thank all who made that trip out west to help your boy say hello to tre O...to those that missed it...you really really missed it...special shouts to my co host for the weekend...r dailey and s baxter...also thanks to those who couldn't attend but were still thoughtful enough to hit me with those birthday shouts through email, text, phone calls, myspace msg and comments, facebook wall postings and msgs, cards sent through the usps sans cash, cookie boxes, cookie canisters and telepathic "i really forgot your birthday but you know i still love you's"...and now back to our regularly scheduled foolishness...
...aka mr "you ain't got enough stamps in your passport to cuf with young michael...international"...aka mr "i wish he would get started already"...aka mr "it's my blog i'll write when i want to" ...as has become customary since nov 2001, when my passport gets a new stamp, you get a new story...or series of stories...so here's how this trip should unfold:
3/11 early pm- leave la and all the b-day love...
3/11 later pm - post up in ohare for a few hours before making that huge leap across the pond
3/12 am - arrive in london uk
3/12 pm - jump over to munich germany
3/13 pm - bounce up to hamburg germany (layover in london)
3/17 am - shoot over to barcelona spain (layover in london)
3/22 am - back to london (go hard in london for one night)
3/23 pm - another european tour bites the dust...
i don't know about you, but i'm tired just thinking about it...
3/12 local time 11:13 am
ok...wrinkle number 1...my flight to chicago, became my flight to jfk...apparently my suitcase wasn't quite ready to leave the country so he decided to chill in jfk a little longer...and of course he decided not to let me know...so imagine my surprise as i go to claim my bag and there are no more bags left to claim...so i walk to the baggage service counter...within the first 37 seconds of standing there, i was informed that my bag didn't make the london flight...no shit...but i appreciated the prompt response...but i was wondering...since they obviously knew...couldn't they have just told me that while i was on the plane...like "i have some connecting flight information and oh, by the way...mr craig, you going to baggage claim now would be like a parapalegic getting a 43 minute butt massage...time consuming and pointless"...or "you walkin outta here with your bag is like a man with no arms trying to do a cart wheel...prolly not gon happen"...ooh...or "your bag is in the land of seven year olds' front teeth, shaq's free throws and black fathers... "missing"...but the dude seemed cool enough, we came up with a plan that should help me reconnect with my bag fairly soon and i went off to get acclamated to my new uk surroundings...but i forgot to turn my currency calculator on as i proceeded to spend 51 pounds ($102) on jeans, 23 pounds ($46) on draws and 27 pounds ($54) on undershirts...me and mr american airlines are going to have long talk or a short talk and a big misunderstanding when i get back...
3/14 local time 3:43 pm
hamburg we have a problem...since i was only in munich for 1 day, i told the airline not to forward the bag there...just thought it would be easier to have them send it to the next stop on the "b-day afterglow european tour" which was hamburg...i must've been mistaken because it is now wed and the bag is somewhere between hamburg and lost...and my guess is it's closer to lost...and to compound my hamburg problems a wee bit, i get to my rental car, with the gps system i requested only to find said system in german...SCHEISSE...that's every curse word in german...unfortunately my german is not exactly fluent...i know how to count to 3 and as you can see...how to curse...and that's really only good for counting how many pairs of draws i currently have in my possesion...and expressing my displeasure...lucky for me, i was the last car to be picked up that night and the avis guy saw me sobbing on his way out...ok, i wasn't really crying i was just trying to wash my cheeks with salt water...daang...any way...he asked me if all was well...i informed him that i had not seen "well" in a few days, but if we could get this gps joint into english i might be able to track it down...michael said it and it is done...
3/15 local time 1:12 am
my bag showed up today...and i just rediscovered german tv after midnight...i don't know exactly what they're selling but from the visuals it must be some kind of breast/vaginal cream...
3/17 local time 6:12 am
just got in from the "reeperbahn" in hamburg...it's the red light/club district in the city...i came across one of those black hip hop parties that i so enjoyed on previous trips to germany...this one was actually even better...from the moment i walked in, i felt like i was the "scheisse"...i was standing on the side of the dance floor gripping my newly purchased jack and cola when i noticed mad chicks starting to congregate in front of me...grindin on each other like they do in all of my club dreams... side bar...watching people dance in germany is probably a glimse into how white people in the us would dance if they didn't have bet to immulate... so as a stood there in near amazement one of the bouncers/dj's friends invited me up to the vip section...and all i could think was "damn...it get's better than this"...must be the copper wings on the new rocawear jacket...so now that my drinks were covered for the rest of the night i made myself comfortable between a couch and said bucket o' dranky drank...about 29 mins later they decided to have a 100 euro "shake your (woman private)" contest...which i now had a front row seat to...not quite as liberal as those spur of the moment skin to win contest back at fam...but entertaining none the less...throughout the night i found out that they had mad brothels and for 50 euro you can "make party with girls"...if only i hadn't bought that drink...the winner of the contest did offer to ride back to the hotel with me since my german wasn't so good (i must be wearing 30 well)...but after seeing what she did in that contest, i had to turn that down...got a flight to catch in a few hours and having a heart attack would probably make me late...now i guess i'll have to "make party with myself"...
3/17 local time 7:41 pm
so we arrived in barcelona today via british airways flight 480...in economy class...i never knew there was anything less than coach...maybe because on most flights there isn't...but on this particular flight...this flight right here...this flight right here ninja...there was such a thing...i felt like i was on soul plane...the seats were less cushioned and smaller...our tv monitor was in black and white...they didn't give us any safety instructions...the lavratory was a hole out the side of the plane...so when people went in, everybody on that side of the plane had to let their windows back up...as a snack, they just passed around a bag of sun flower seeds...unsalted...and a jug of red drink...and the only time the flight attendant came back there was to shush us so the rest of the passengers could enjoy their massages...and i think she said something about lap dances...but we made it safely and i guess that's all that matters...
3/18 local time 6:32 am
...and i'm slightly innebreated...ini...innebriated...whatever...i'll let the spell check catch it...we caught dinner shortly after we arrived in barcelona and had some of the livest paella the world has ever seen...that pan was chocked full of sea creatures...most of which were dead...it was time consuming yet vurr tasty...following dinner i decided i needed to be apart of the barcelona night life...so decided to go back to the room and mentally prepare myself for whatever the city had to offer...a funny thing happened on the way back out the door...i tripped over the bed and ended up sleeping until 1:45 am...in alot cities and for a lot of people that means game over...but i was positive i wasn't gonna be able to get back to sleep so i decided to test that 30 yr old stamina...you know i used to beat that block...now i...still beat that block...my hotel is located real close to la rambla where a lot of activity takes place...i jumped out in them streets...one thing i try to keep in mind when strolling through foreign city streets late at night is trying not to look like a mark...so no rolling dolo...uncheck...always have an idea where you're going before you leave...uncheck...and always know the address of the place you're staying...uhh...hmm...maybe i should've thought this through...oh and if you ever end up on a street where they are smoking crack in the open, you've probably made a wrong turn...and if you're not very careful, you may end up financing that next round of crack...after making two such wrong turns i decided the 3rd time probably wouldn't be the charm so i hailed the next taxi and told him to drop me off at the corner of safe and sound...the spot he ended up taking me to played almost all spanish house techno...which meant my time there had to be short lived...not far away was the olympic port where they had a series of bars and smoking/drinking lounges...i settled in there...barcelona has some bad chicks and i have some bad spanish...in this case 2 negatives don't make a positive...i did manage to make a couple friends...even got a number that i have no idea how to dial...probably for the best since i can't point at stuff and draw pictures over the phone...by the way by new spanish name is "wingman de guapo"...
3/22 local 4:14 pm
work, weird sleeping habits and a european cold front has made the rest of the week slightly uneventful...i did manage to make it out for one more night of tomfoolery in barcelona though...too tame to really document though...
so on my last day in the city my diddy complex kicked in and i decided to rent a yacht to cruise the mediterranean for a couple hours...cuz that's kinda what i do these days...how can you beat sunny skies and 6 or 7 scantly clad spanish chicas whispering that espaniol...now imagine for a second that any syllable of that were true...guess what you would've been able to tell me...let me tell you what you would've been able to tell me................................................................. nutchin...so the yacht was more like a pair of jordan 5's...and the mediterranean was more like a crowded street...and those scantly clad chicas were actually pigeons...but i'm pretty sure they spoke spanish...
i was this close (imagine me holding my fingers as if i were pinching the nipple of an anorexic midget) to making it happen though...that whole language barrier had me feeling like i was on the verge of being had...so i stepped down and decided to walk through the streets in the daytime...just to see how life unfolds on a work day...oddly enough it looked like the weekend...must've been all the tourist...i decided to stop and grab a bite and some people watchage on one of these busy streets...so i'm sitting there...fork in hand...as this cat walks by in what looked to be some tight black draws...i heard a lot of the on lookers gasp and such...apparently they had never seen tight black draws in public before...at that moment the guy decided to do a 180 and face in my direction...it unfolded like a scene from a horrible dream...almost in slow motion...as his turn was completed, i found myself face to face with his "mr. snufflefucus"...those weren't draws...it was a "draws" tattoo...uh...check please....
on another note...i've been following this story (not by choice) about the pakistan cricket coach who died peacefully in his sleep following his team being ousted from world cricket championship...well turns out his dying wasn't so peaceful after all...he died by "asphyxiation by manual strangulation"...he got choked out (b howell and a plana, those slang cards are really coming in handy)...so 4 days after announcing the peaceful sleep scenario, the jamaican authorities held a press conference to discuss their new findings...all i could think was the jamaican csi crew is probably the last group i would want investigating my homocide...i guess strangulation marks and signs of struggle are pretty difficult to see through the "trees"...or maybe they don't get law and order down there...in any event, i've crossed coaching pakistani cricket off of my list of things to do...as a matter of fact, i was sitting up watching cricket and got scared because i started understanding too much of it...so i turned the tv off...locked and latched the hotel door...boobie trapped the window 4 coke bottle caps, some chewed bubble gum and a picture of flavor flav...then i wrapped myself in the word...amen...
3/23 local time 2:10 am
so i was supposed to go hard in london tonight...but nothing softens me up quicker than my first glimpse at the 2007 ncaa college basketball tournament...they were actually showing the games on london tv...besides, it's 34 degrees and raining...and i am a tropical people (what up j brown)...i'll get it next time...man i'm tired as shit and i still got 87 hours of flights ahead of me...
3/26 local time 10:22 am
back on the west coast...safe and sound...since i had planned on getting in them london streets, i got mad pounds left in my wallet...as has become customary i will distribute these to a "few" of my closest associates...
2£ (now that's fancy) - k craig for deciding to make that move...
2£ y caviness for being so quick with london info...that i didn't use...
3£ e rutledge for scooping me from the airport...
1£ j jones for that scrumptious din din...i got faith in you...
3£ k billups for hooking up the sat night joint...
1£ m story for keeping the art of the "shout out" alive...
2£ r lauren for coming through for ya boy in the clutch...that's right...the belt too...
2£ s koiner for ya life...
2£ m joshi for being the msoo...most sought out other...
3.1£ e & a barnes for capturing the cryspus attucks carnage and sharing it with the world...
2£ t h-riley for putting that whole motherhood thing to the side for a weekend...
4£ a rickets and b simmons for never giving up...
1£ w cooper...congrats pimpin...
2£ s bell holding me down for that last hour in london...
3£r dailey and s baxter...you know why...
4£ c gunn for what's about to happen on south beach...
-1£ k robinson for ditching me for manchester...
1£ t parker...strictly based on the way we met...who woulda thunk you'd be around for the 30th...
3£ to the cartwrights for helping add to the drobe...
2£ c strickland for the way you rode that bull...yee friggin ha...
-1£ s quinlan for letting another man come between us...just got your msg...
2£ former uk baskeball coach t smith...just be glad you didn't coach cricket...
-1£ c hampshire...monday morning is unacceptable...
-3£ t noel...you missed it plurr
all remaining £'s to those who floated through LA...and made that weekend so "pure"...i'm forever grateful and glad that everyone...except that one table faced dude...had such a good time...
and fyi...here are the next stops on the b-day tour
lynchburg va 4-1 - 4/3...don't ask...
mia 4/6 - 4/8
munich 4/16 - 4/20
i'm getting too old for this shit...30's the new 20 like fat is the new skinny...or like quarters are the new pennies....
holla atcha boi.....................................
now you know i had to do it...i told myself...i said "self...you're supposed to be writing this book...you need to save these words or face some form of corporal punishment"...but once i smelled that foreign air...shoooot...you know "self' couldn't resist...now turn to your neighbor and say "neighbor, i don't know why the hell i'm talking to you when i should be reading the most interesting blog posted this week...about europe...in english...containing the term extravaganzicificatiotarinorium"
now where should i begin...oh yeah...my intro...ahem...what up folks...it's your boy mikecraig...aka mr dirty thirty...
i know it's early but i'd like to pause for a second, if i may to reflect on the "i'm so hot still" b-day weekend extravaganzicificatiotarinorium...i would def like to thank all who made that trip out west to help your boy say hello to tre O...to those that missed it...you really really missed it...special shouts to my co host for the weekend...r dailey and s baxter...also thanks to those who couldn't attend but were still thoughtful enough to hit me with those birthday shouts through email, text, phone calls, myspace msg and comments, facebook wall postings and msgs, cards sent through the usps sans cash, cookie boxes, cookie canisters and telepathic "i really forgot your birthday but you know i still love you's"...and now back to our regularly scheduled foolishness...
...aka mr "you ain't got enough stamps in your passport to cuf with young michael...international"...aka mr "i wish he would get started already"...aka mr "it's my blog i'll write when i want to" ...as has become customary since nov 2001, when my passport gets a new stamp, you get a new story...or series of stories...so here's how this trip should unfold:
3/11 early pm- leave la and all the b-day love...
3/11 later pm - post up in ohare for a few hours before making that huge leap across the pond
3/12 am - arrive in london uk
3/12 pm - jump over to munich germany
3/13 pm - bounce up to hamburg germany (layover in london)
3/17 am - shoot over to barcelona spain (layover in london)
3/22 am - back to london (go hard in london for one night)
3/23 pm - another european tour bites the dust...
i don't know about you, but i'm tired just thinking about it...
3/12 local time 11:13 am
ok...wrinkle number 1...my flight to chicago, became my flight to jfk...apparently my suitcase wasn't quite ready to leave the country so he decided to chill in jfk a little longer...and of course he decided not to let me know...so imagine my surprise as i go to claim my bag and there are no more bags left to claim...so i walk to the baggage service counter...within the first 37 seconds of standing there, i was informed that my bag didn't make the london flight...no shit...but i appreciated the prompt response...but i was wondering...since they obviously knew...couldn't they have just told me that while i was on the plane...like "i have some connecting flight information and oh, by the way...mr craig, you going to baggage claim now would be like a parapalegic getting a 43 minute butt massage...time consuming and pointless"...or "you walkin outta here with your bag is like a man with no arms trying to do a cart wheel...prolly not gon happen"...ooh...or "your bag is in the land of seven year olds' front teeth, shaq's free throws and black fathers... "missing"...but the dude seemed cool enough, we came up with a plan that should help me reconnect with my bag fairly soon and i went off to get acclamated to my new uk surroundings...but i forgot to turn my currency calculator on as i proceeded to spend 51 pounds ($102) on jeans, 23 pounds ($46) on draws and 27 pounds ($54) on undershirts...me and mr american airlines are going to have long talk or a short talk and a big misunderstanding when i get back...
3/14 local time 3:43 pm
hamburg we have a problem...since i was only in munich for 1 day, i told the airline not to forward the bag there...just thought it would be easier to have them send it to the next stop on the "b-day afterglow european tour" which was hamburg...i must've been mistaken because it is now wed and the bag is somewhere between hamburg and lost...and my guess is it's closer to lost...and to compound my hamburg problems a wee bit, i get to my rental car, with the gps system i requested only to find said system in german...SCHEISSE...that's every curse word in german...unfortunately my german is not exactly fluent...i know how to count to 3 and as you can see...how to curse...and that's really only good for counting how many pairs of draws i currently have in my possesion...and expressing my displeasure...lucky for me, i was the last car to be picked up that night and the avis guy saw me sobbing on his way out...ok, i wasn't really crying i was just trying to wash my cheeks with salt water...daang...any way...he asked me if all was well...i informed him that i had not seen "well" in a few days, but if we could get this gps joint into english i might be able to track it down...michael said it and it is done...
3/15 local time 1:12 am
my bag showed up today...and i just rediscovered german tv after midnight...i don't know exactly what they're selling but from the visuals it must be some kind of breast/vaginal cream...
3/17 local time 6:12 am
just got in from the "reeperbahn" in hamburg...it's the red light/club district in the city...i came across one of those black hip hop parties that i so enjoyed on previous trips to germany...this one was actually even better...from the moment i walked in, i felt like i was the "scheisse"...i was standing on the side of the dance floor gripping my newly purchased jack and cola when i noticed mad chicks starting to congregate in front of me...grindin on each other like they do in all of my club dreams... side bar...watching people dance in germany is probably a glimse into how white people in the us would dance if they didn't have bet to immulate... so as a stood there in near amazement one of the bouncers/dj's friends invited me up to the vip section...and all i could think was "damn...it get's better than this"...must be the copper wings on the new rocawear jacket...so now that my drinks were covered for the rest of the night i made myself comfortable between a couch and said bucket o' dranky drank...about 29 mins later they decided to have a 100 euro "shake your (woman private)" contest...which i now had a front row seat to...not quite as liberal as those spur of the moment skin to win contest back at fam...but entertaining none the less...throughout the night i found out that they had mad brothels and for 50 euro you can "make party with girls"...if only i hadn't bought that drink...the winner of the contest did offer to ride back to the hotel with me since my german wasn't so good (i must be wearing 30 well)...but after seeing what she did in that contest, i had to turn that down...got a flight to catch in a few hours and having a heart attack would probably make me late...now i guess i'll have to "make party with myself"...
3/17 local time 7:41 pm
so we arrived in barcelona today via british airways flight 480...in economy class...i never knew there was anything less than coach...maybe because on most flights there isn't...but on this particular flight...this flight right here...this flight right here ninja...there was such a thing...i felt like i was on soul plane...the seats were less cushioned and smaller...our tv monitor was in black and white...they didn't give us any safety instructions...the lavratory was a hole out the side of the plane...so when people went in, everybody on that side of the plane had to let their windows back up...as a snack, they just passed around a bag of sun flower seeds...unsalted...and a jug of red drink...and the only time the flight attendant came back there was to shush us so the rest of the passengers could enjoy their massages...and i think she said something about lap dances...but we made it safely and i guess that's all that matters...
3/18 local time 6:32 am
...and i'm slightly innebreated...ini...innebriated...whatever...i'll let the spell check catch it...we caught dinner shortly after we arrived in barcelona and had some of the livest paella the world has ever seen...that pan was chocked full of sea creatures...most of which were dead...it was time consuming yet vurr tasty...following dinner i decided i needed to be apart of the barcelona night life...so decided to go back to the room and mentally prepare myself for whatever the city had to offer...a funny thing happened on the way back out the door...i tripped over the bed and ended up sleeping until 1:45 am...in alot cities and for a lot of people that means game over...but i was positive i wasn't gonna be able to get back to sleep so i decided to test that 30 yr old stamina...you know i used to beat that block...now i...still beat that block...my hotel is located real close to la rambla where a lot of activity takes place...i jumped out in them streets...one thing i try to keep in mind when strolling through foreign city streets late at night is trying not to look like a mark...so no rolling dolo...uncheck...always have an idea where you're going before you leave...uncheck...and always know the address of the place you're staying...uhh...hmm...maybe i should've thought this through...oh and if you ever end up on a street where they are smoking crack in the open, you've probably made a wrong turn...and if you're not very careful, you may end up financing that next round of crack...after making two such wrong turns i decided the 3rd time probably wouldn't be the charm so i hailed the next taxi and told him to drop me off at the corner of safe and sound...the spot he ended up taking me to played almost all spanish house techno...which meant my time there had to be short lived...not far away was the olympic port where they had a series of bars and smoking/drinking lounges...i settled in there...barcelona has some bad chicks and i have some bad spanish...in this case 2 negatives don't make a positive...i did manage to make a couple friends...even got a number that i have no idea how to dial...probably for the best since i can't point at stuff and draw pictures over the phone...by the way by new spanish name is "wingman de guapo"...
3/22 local 4:14 pm
work, weird sleeping habits and a european cold front has made the rest of the week slightly uneventful...i did manage to make it out for one more night of tomfoolery in barcelona though...too tame to really document though...
so on my last day in the city my diddy complex kicked in and i decided to rent a yacht to cruise the mediterranean for a couple hours...cuz that's kinda what i do these days...how can you beat sunny skies and 6 or 7 scantly clad spanish chicas whispering that espaniol...now imagine for a second that any syllable of that were true...guess what you would've been able to tell me...let me tell you what you would've been able to tell me................................................................. nutchin...so the yacht was more like a pair of jordan 5's...and the mediterranean was more like a crowded street...and those scantly clad chicas were actually pigeons...but i'm pretty sure they spoke spanish...
i was this close (imagine me holding my fingers as if i were pinching the nipple of an anorexic midget) to making it happen though...that whole language barrier had me feeling like i was on the verge of being had...so i stepped down and decided to walk through the streets in the daytime...just to see how life unfolds on a work day...oddly enough it looked like the weekend...must've been all the tourist...i decided to stop and grab a bite and some people watchage on one of these busy streets...so i'm sitting there...fork in hand...as this cat walks by in what looked to be some tight black draws...i heard a lot of the on lookers gasp and such...apparently they had never seen tight black draws in public before...at that moment the guy decided to do a 180 and face in my direction...it unfolded like a scene from a horrible dream...almost in slow motion...as his turn was completed, i found myself face to face with his "mr. snufflefucus"...those weren't draws...it was a "draws" tattoo...uh...check please....
on another note...i've been following this story (not by choice) about the pakistan cricket coach who died peacefully in his sleep following his team being ousted from world cricket championship...well turns out his dying wasn't so peaceful after all...he died by "asphyxiation by manual strangulation"...he got choked out (b howell and a plana, those slang cards are really coming in handy)...so 4 days after announcing the peaceful sleep scenario, the jamaican authorities held a press conference to discuss their new findings...all i could think was the jamaican csi crew is probably the last group i would want investigating my homocide...i guess strangulation marks and signs of struggle are pretty difficult to see through the "trees"...or maybe they don't get law and order down there...in any event, i've crossed coaching pakistani cricket off of my list of things to do...as a matter of fact, i was sitting up watching cricket and got scared because i started understanding too much of it...so i turned the tv off...locked and latched the hotel door...boobie trapped the window 4 coke bottle caps, some chewed bubble gum and a picture of flavor flav...then i wrapped myself in the word...amen...
3/23 local time 2:10 am
so i was supposed to go hard in london tonight...but nothing softens me up quicker than my first glimpse at the 2007 ncaa college basketball tournament...they were actually showing the games on london tv...besides, it's 34 degrees and raining...and i am a tropical people (what up j brown)...i'll get it next time...man i'm tired as shit and i still got 87 hours of flights ahead of me...
3/26 local time 10:22 am
back on the west coast...safe and sound...since i had planned on getting in them london streets, i got mad pounds left in my wallet...as has become customary i will distribute these to a "few" of my closest associates...
2£ (now that's fancy) - k craig for deciding to make that move...
2£ y caviness for being so quick with london info...that i didn't use...
3£ e rutledge for scooping me from the airport...
1£ j jones for that scrumptious din din...i got faith in you...
3£ k billups for hooking up the sat night joint...
1£ m story for keeping the art of the "shout out" alive...
2£ r lauren for coming through for ya boy in the clutch...that's right...the belt too...
2£ s koiner for ya life...
2£ m joshi for being the msoo...most sought out other...
3.1£ e & a barnes for capturing the cryspus attucks carnage and sharing it with the world...
2£ t h-riley for putting that whole motherhood thing to the side for a weekend...
4£ a rickets and b simmons for never giving up...
1£ w cooper...congrats pimpin...
2£ s bell holding me down for that last hour in london...
3£r dailey and s baxter...you know why...
4£ c gunn for what's about to happen on south beach...
-1£ k robinson for ditching me for manchester...
1£ t parker...strictly based on the way we met...who woulda thunk you'd be around for the 30th...
3£ to the cartwrights for helping add to the drobe...
2£ c strickland for the way you rode that bull...yee friggin ha...
-1£ s quinlan for letting another man come between us...just got your msg...
2£ former uk baskeball coach t smith...just be glad you didn't coach cricket...
-1£ c hampshire...monday morning is unacceptable...
-3£ t noel...you missed it plurr
all remaining £'s to those who floated through LA...and made that weekend so "pure"...i'm forever grateful and glad that everyone...except that one table faced dude...had such a good time...
and fyi...here are the next stops on the b-day tour
lynchburg va 4-1 - 4/3...don't ask...
mia 4/6 - 4/8
munich 4/16 - 4/20
i'm getting too old for this shit...30's the new 20 like fat is the new skinny...or like quarters are the new pennies....
holla atcha boi.....................................
Saturday, November 25, 2006
it’ s that time again...time for “thank you” 2006...growing up, i never really had much...so it always made me thankful for the few things i did have...as i’ve gotten older...and i am old...i’ve amassed a few more things, namely an ipod, an xbox 360 and an overwhelming urge to yodel...but more important than all that, i’ve scooped up a few friends...and i don’t mean the “myspace i’m your friend cuz you showed me your boobies” type friend...i mean people that have, in one way or another made me happy to be alive...so i’d like to take this time to thank you all over again...it’s me giving thanks...so i think i shall call this day thanksgiving...
p craig for not drinking or smoking crack whilst i was gestating...
k craig convincing me to make that move
f craig for running that rock back in ‘87...
m joshi for that cake back at famu homecoming ’99...the homies are still talking about it...
s bell for unlocking the door 17 times
s brown for helping me start asshole inc
c gunn for testing out them marriage waters
s murphy for hiding those midgets under your shirt
m story for sacrificing your cincy life so your boy didn’t have to wait in them lines dolo
t baker for keeping your options open
r gherls for helping me pass time at the atl airport
t houston-riley for grabbing some chipolte with your boy...
t matthews for getting rid of those distractions
f carter for getting me sick at the melting pot
b jones for the drunk dial
j holiday for promising me a florida girl...pay up...
e jenkins for giving my home state something to look at
t noel for letting me lay down those platinum commercials
n azali always holding out on the greenery
e azali for allowing us to pick you up in a strip club parking lot
e barnes the 3sp that never happened
y caviness for taking me on my first l. a. tour
c strickland telling me to get in the backseat...touche’
t slaughter for that valentine’s day dance ensemble in ‘92
e rutledge for walking to the store with me in dc
ap brodie for deciding to come back into my life after 20 years
ad brodie for being the twin i was trying to get at in ‘85
t massey for that 3 week relationship
y baez for always throwing me the free drink spots...even if i haven’t made one yet
j holt for the mlk conference ‘94
r dailey for putting your boy up on the l. a. social scene
l u mccarly for taking me to dinner but making me pay for my half
j hatfield for keeping me on tyler’s mailing list
j n battle for allowing me to use you and your girls for that first poolside video shoot
w clark for coming to visit...but not really...and them salty greens
w cooper for letting me roll to the after party
a lewis for not saving me a groupie in st louis
k robinson for the staring game...whether i wanted to play or not
c mcdade for showing me what being a man whore was all about
a marsh for moving to a city where your social talents won’t go to waste
m johnson for being my favorite person that i never talk to
j harris for never playing any games with us
s koiner for living your life like a high budget music video
d gould for living your life like a young dapper rick james
e hillsman for living your life like a hood fairy tale
k banks for being my most secret crush
p days for making wait those extra months
r robertson for carrying on that nati legacy
a ohmer for stopping by to say "what's up"
c taylor for reappearing for my going away party
a lee for hooking up those falcons tickets
a nesbitt for periodically passing me the rock in ‘95
s owens for showing me the finer "point" of crescent springs
e king for always offering to hook me up but never doing it
m ewing for holding me down at verve...
n thompson for coming through and not getting at your cousin
m vick for making this book thing happen
k massey for being a background dancer for macadocious and mike checka
h chu for leading that hospitality committee
r solomon for introducing me to the n. o.
c wright for explaining those mood swings
s quinlan for letting me hold down that couch
t parker for making a rare southern appearance
d williams for finally settling down
b simmonds for holding out on them atl pix
m geter-cartright for rolling to my 1st chocolate sunday
d bullard for pushing me to the stage so i could get my freestyle on homecoming ‘96
j brown for letting me roll with you bayou classic ’02...even though we didn’t get in anywhere
t harris for being extremely m i a
c ingram for getting healthy
b beasely davis for being so open to new ideas
k martin for repping hard over in germany
s binns for staying fashion forward
t hunt for puttin me on your lawyer friend...whenever it happens
a avionn for letting me roll with you to the grocery store
c james for escaping the hoop
w kolston for trying to molest me in public...still our secret
s fulgham for snapping a few photos with your boy in the a
b bradford for that little jig in front of mase’s crib
an lewis for not giving in to the virtual friend craze
d fowler for giving me a 2nd chance
m bolden-?????? for jumpin that broom
k brown for never visiting me in pasadena
k silva for never making me pay for meals
t brown for that fried chicken and for puttin me back in the top 68
s daniel for the earrings of gold
s moore for picking story
e vanross for giving me a reason to wake up on time while in stl
r green for the summer ’99 flashes
a hodgen for always dipping before i get to birmingham
d foster - ????? for keeping our love child a secret
c kinnebrew for moving back out west...knew you couldn’t stay away
m mobley for letting me host the bachelor party
l reeves for getting back on that music grind
d rowe for ffl donation this year
r rosemond for checking in on ya boy
last but not least, i want to thank…. myself ...again...for taking this time to run back my life...feel free to add memories...as i also reserve the right to go back and add my own...
p craig for not drinking or smoking crack whilst i was gestating...
k craig convincing me to make that move
f craig for running that rock back in ‘87...
m joshi for that cake back at famu homecoming ’99...the homies are still talking about it...
s bell for unlocking the door 17 times
s brown for helping me start asshole inc
c gunn for testing out them marriage waters
s murphy for hiding those midgets under your shirt
m story for sacrificing your cincy life so your boy didn’t have to wait in them lines dolo
t baker for keeping your options open
r gherls for helping me pass time at the atl airport
t houston-riley for grabbing some chipolte with your boy...
t matthews for getting rid of those distractions
f carter for getting me sick at the melting pot
b jones for the drunk dial
j holiday for promising me a florida girl...pay up...
e jenkins for giving my home state something to look at
t noel for letting me lay down those platinum commercials
n azali always holding out on the greenery
e azali for allowing us to pick you up in a strip club parking lot
e barnes the 3sp that never happened
y caviness for taking me on my first l. a. tour
c strickland telling me to get in the backseat...touche’
t slaughter for that valentine’s day dance ensemble in ‘92
e rutledge for walking to the store with me in dc
ap brodie for deciding to come back into my life after 20 years
ad brodie for being the twin i was trying to get at in ‘85
t massey for that 3 week relationship
y baez for always throwing me the free drink spots...even if i haven’t made one yet
j holt for the mlk conference ‘94
r dailey for putting your boy up on the l. a. social scene
l u mccarly for taking me to dinner but making me pay for my half
j hatfield for keeping me on tyler’s mailing list
j n battle for allowing me to use you and your girls for that first poolside video shoot
w clark for coming to visit...but not really...and them salty greens
w cooper for letting me roll to the after party
a lewis for not saving me a groupie in st louis
k robinson for the staring game...whether i wanted to play or not
c mcdade for showing me what being a man whore was all about
a marsh for moving to a city where your social talents won’t go to waste
m johnson for being my favorite person that i never talk to
j harris for never playing any games with us
s koiner for living your life like a high budget music video
d gould for living your life like a young dapper rick james
e hillsman for living your life like a hood fairy tale
k banks for being my most secret crush
p days for making wait those extra months
r robertson for carrying on that nati legacy
a ohmer for stopping by to say "what's up"
c taylor for reappearing for my going away party
a lee for hooking up those falcons tickets
a nesbitt for periodically passing me the rock in ‘95
s owens for showing me the finer "point" of crescent springs
e king for always offering to hook me up but never doing it
m ewing for holding me down at verve...
n thompson for coming through and not getting at your cousin
m vick for making this book thing happen
k massey for being a background dancer for macadocious and mike checka
h chu for leading that hospitality committee
r solomon for introducing me to the n. o.
c wright for explaining those mood swings
s quinlan for letting me hold down that couch
t parker for making a rare southern appearance
d williams for finally settling down
b simmonds for holding out on them atl pix
m geter-cartright for rolling to my 1st chocolate sunday
d bullard for pushing me to the stage so i could get my freestyle on homecoming ‘96
j brown for letting me roll with you bayou classic ’02...even though we didn’t get in anywhere
t harris for being extremely m i a
c ingram for getting healthy
b beasely davis for being so open to new ideas
k martin for repping hard over in germany
s binns for staying fashion forward
t hunt for puttin me on your lawyer friend...whenever it happens
a avionn for letting me roll with you to the grocery store
c james for escaping the hoop
w kolston for trying to molest me in public...still our secret
s fulgham for snapping a few photos with your boy in the a
b bradford for that little jig in front of mase’s crib
an lewis for not giving in to the virtual friend craze
d fowler for giving me a 2nd chance
m bolden-?????? for jumpin that broom
k brown for never visiting me in pasadena
k silva for never making me pay for meals
t brown for that fried chicken and for puttin me back in the top 68
s daniel for the earrings of gold
s moore for picking story
e vanross for giving me a reason to wake up on time while in stl
r green for the summer ’99 flashes
a hodgen for always dipping before i get to birmingham
d foster - ????? for keeping our love child a secret
c kinnebrew for moving back out west...knew you couldn’t stay away
m mobley for letting me host the bachelor party
l reeves for getting back on that music grind
d rowe for ffl donation this year
r rosemond for checking in on ya boy
last but not least, i want to thank…. myself ...again...for taking this time to run back my life...feel free to add memories...as i also reserve the right to go back and add my own...
Saturday, November 26, 2005
time to give thanks...
i just wanted to take the time out to thank all of my friends…and if you’re reading this i consider you one of them…but i figured i would actually take it a step further and tell each one of you at least one thing that i was actually thankful for (in no particular order)…if u were left off the list just blame it on the winter weather that just arrived here in cincy…my brain slows down when the temperature drops…so where should i start…let’s start with
k craig for always reminding me of how much fun quitting day will be…
f craig for the shoe bandit song…every time i think of it i fall out...
p craig for buying me that herringbone chain…i rocked it for 9 whole years w/o one kink
m joshi for keeping me out til 4 am and making me late for tutoring that one night in ‘99
s bell for that dramatic change and sf 01
s brown for splitting those 2 for $1 double cheeseburger deals when your boy was broke
c gunn for being the funniest ninja i know and mia 03 what up blood…
s murphy for being the funniest ninjette i know
m story for being the most conceited cat i know and dc 05 i think dey like me
j holiday for putting up with m story
t baker for introducing me to the umbrella dance
r gherls for that super short term relationship
t houston-riley for copying my homework
t matthews for letting me stay at your crib when i didn’t have furniture
f carter for looking out for me when i was “scared”
b jones for speaking out for madden haters everywhere
e jenkins for not acting “cute”
t noel for the free admission
t slaughter for keepin me laughing in mr. capoot's class
e rutledge for not letting me get to 1st base in ‘94
ap brodie for our 3rd grade love affair
ad brodie for never speaking to me
j holt for ags ‘94
d wiece for showing me that white people can be cool too
j hatfield for helping d wiece with hers
w clark for them salty greens
a lewis for being the crunkest ninja alive and tor 05 cuf yo couch…
k robinson for igging me at cajun’s wharf
a marsh for canceling the parties before i wound up pregnant
m johnson for being my role model for becoming Hollywood
j harris for the little sandwiches and bread and dill dip
c taylor for falling off the face of the earth
a lee for leaving before i got too attached
a nesbitt for helping me with those youth for excellence car washes
s owens for the slumber party and the super late confession
e king for helping me hustle these gift cards
m ewing for ‘be out’ day 97
n thompson for holdin us down for t-giving ‘05
m vick for losing all my money
k massey for helping me to achieve that ‘d’ in calculus
h chu for being my favorite vietnamese aka
r solomon for makin my nyc trips more cost efficient
t parker for always letting me borrow that couch (you’re still my friend)
s ponderspikes for keeping it gangsta in the workplace
d williams for the inspiring ambition
d bullard for pushing me to the front so i could get my freestyle on in miami ‘96
j brown for making new year’s 2003 my best ever (and for the shrimp pasta)
t harris for whispering sweet nothings in my ear and disappearing
c ingram for helping me to stay employed
k martin for developing that registration system that I’m still getting credit for
s binns for pulling together that next 'hookers at the point" for hbo
t hunt for the stupid tricep excercise
e mansah for reminding me how strong i'm not
a avionn for the mp movie nights
c james for holding me down in Mehoopany
n adero for being jiggy
e karras for getting married early
s fulgham for your enlightening diary entries
b bradford for wilin out wit me in l-ville in 02
m bolden for inviting me to the prom
k brown for the dance off at the prom
s daniel for bucking the system
s moore for checking to see if i was sleep first
n grimes for having the best damn pound cake period
c favron for repping east st. louis
e vanross for reporting homicides in east st. louis
r green for hanging with us in l. a.
a hodgen for lining the chairs up perfectly after hosting the house party in my house in my absence
d foster for hanging with your boy in little rock aug ’98 and bayou classic ‘01
c kinnebrew for not taking advantage of me in my drunken state
a lambert for the whimsical evening in the cold streets of indy in mar ‘01
m lanton for the keeping me company at the big blue jean blow out
m mobley for splitting the rent in the clifton palace
j olije for always showing up when you least expect it
l reeves for rolling to philly on a whim and almost killing me on the way back
d rowe for sharing the thailand stories
r rosemond for the sun chips
b jackson for not beating me too bad on the pool table
d ogundele for being trina before trina
m geter-cartright for supplying liquor to minors
t taylor for accompanying me as mr. gibbs hall
b williams riding to olive garden with me that one day
last but not least, i want to thank….
myself for taking time remind myself of all the good people i’ve come across in life…i love you all and hope this message can remind you of at least one good time…but if it reminds you of others please don’t hesitate to share those with me as well…lord knows i love to re-live a good time
i just wanted to take the time out to thank all of my friends…and if you’re reading this i consider you one of them…but i figured i would actually take it a step further and tell each one of you at least one thing that i was actually thankful for (in no particular order)…if u were left off the list just blame it on the winter weather that just arrived here in cincy…my brain slows down when the temperature drops…so where should i start…let’s start with
k craig for always reminding me of how much fun quitting day will be…
f craig for the shoe bandit song…every time i think of it i fall out...
p craig for buying me that herringbone chain…i rocked it for 9 whole years w/o one kink
m joshi for keeping me out til 4 am and making me late for tutoring that one night in ‘99
s bell for that dramatic change and sf 01
s brown for splitting those 2 for $1 double cheeseburger deals when your boy was broke
c gunn for being the funniest ninja i know and mia 03 what up blood…
s murphy for being the funniest ninjette i know
m story for being the most conceited cat i know and dc 05 i think dey like me
j holiday for putting up with m story
t baker for introducing me to the umbrella dance
r gherls for that super short term relationship
t houston-riley for copying my homework
t matthews for letting me stay at your crib when i didn’t have furniture
f carter for looking out for me when i was “scared”
b jones for speaking out for madden haters everywhere
e jenkins for not acting “cute”
t noel for the free admission
t slaughter for keepin me laughing in mr. capoot's class
e rutledge for not letting me get to 1st base in ‘94
ap brodie for our 3rd grade love affair
ad brodie for never speaking to me
j holt for ags ‘94
d wiece for showing me that white people can be cool too
j hatfield for helping d wiece with hers
w clark for them salty greens
a lewis for being the crunkest ninja alive and tor 05 cuf yo couch…
k robinson for igging me at cajun’s wharf
a marsh for canceling the parties before i wound up pregnant
m johnson for being my role model for becoming Hollywood
j harris for the little sandwiches and bread and dill dip
c taylor for falling off the face of the earth
a lee for leaving before i got too attached
a nesbitt for helping me with those youth for excellence car washes
s owens for the slumber party and the super late confession
e king for helping me hustle these gift cards
m ewing for ‘be out’ day 97
n thompson for holdin us down for t-giving ‘05
m vick for losing all my money
k massey for helping me to achieve that ‘d’ in calculus
h chu for being my favorite vietnamese aka
r solomon for makin my nyc trips more cost efficient
t parker for always letting me borrow that couch (you’re still my friend)
s ponderspikes for keeping it gangsta in the workplace
d williams for the inspiring ambition
d bullard for pushing me to the front so i could get my freestyle on in miami ‘96
j brown for making new year’s 2003 my best ever (and for the shrimp pasta)
t harris for whispering sweet nothings in my ear and disappearing
c ingram for helping me to stay employed
k martin for developing that registration system that I’m still getting credit for
s binns for pulling together that next 'hookers at the point" for hbo
t hunt for the stupid tricep excercise
e mansah for reminding me how strong i'm not
a avionn for the mp movie nights
c james for holding me down in Mehoopany
n adero for being jiggy
e karras for getting married early
s fulgham for your enlightening diary entries
b bradford for wilin out wit me in l-ville in 02
m bolden for inviting me to the prom
k brown for the dance off at the prom
s daniel for bucking the system
s moore for checking to see if i was sleep first
n grimes for having the best damn pound cake period
c favron for repping east st. louis
e vanross for reporting homicides in east st. louis
r green for hanging with us in l. a.
a hodgen for lining the chairs up perfectly after hosting the house party in my house in my absence
d foster for hanging with your boy in little rock aug ’98 and bayou classic ‘01
c kinnebrew for not taking advantage of me in my drunken state
a lambert for the whimsical evening in the cold streets of indy in mar ‘01
m lanton for the keeping me company at the big blue jean blow out
m mobley for splitting the rent in the clifton palace
j olije for always showing up when you least expect it
l reeves for rolling to philly on a whim and almost killing me on the way back
d rowe for sharing the thailand stories
r rosemond for the sun chips
b jackson for not beating me too bad on the pool table
d ogundele for being trina before trina
m geter-cartright for supplying liquor to minors
t taylor for accompanying me as mr. gibbs hall
b williams riding to olive garden with me that one day
last but not least, i want to thank….
myself for taking time remind myself of all the good people i’ve come across in life…i love you all and hope this message can remind you of at least one good time…but if it reminds you of others please don’t hesitate to share those with me as well…lord knows i love to re-live a good time
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
it's official....
hello ladies and gents it's your boy mikecraig just back from a long grueling trip back to the rock...where i celebrated my 10 year high school class reunion...here's a hint...when you can talk about your 10 year high school reunion in the past tense you are officially old...so i guess i be dat...people joked with me when i told them i was headed back to the rock for the reunion about how my classmates would be dead or in jail and i'll be damned if them jokes didn't come to life throughout the weekend...however in real life these jokes weren't very funny at all...but overall the weekend was cool...all of the networking/business card exchanging left a real good taste in my mouth...i used to think there were only 2 types of people in the rock...the ones that made it out and the ones that got stuck...this weekend really showed me this other group that made it "in"...the cats that are not just cutting hair but owning barber shops...folks who have traveled to the farthest corners of the globe and returned to tell stories of epic heroism...ok there weren't many stories of heroism but i've always wanted to use that line...a couple folks who have received and accepted the calling to lead god's people...a professor...good mothers and fathers and some who are just being good old contributing members of society...and some bad ass kids...for the school itself...j. a. fair high school looked different but eerily familiar...i can still remember the days running the halls with the trademark headbands...back in the days when gang signs and weed smoke used to fill the hall way air...none of that was there when i showed up...probably because it was 6 pm and school lets out at 3:40...but that's not important....i was shocked and saddened to find out that not too long after i left the school became a dumping ground for the incorrigible ...those whom the district had given up on...i was saddened at the notion that they had enough problem children to fill a school and shocked because i thought they had been doing that since the year i got there...just another sign that it ain't all good in our community...overall i give the weekend 4.25 stars...those hot krispy kreme doughnuts i ran across on my way out definitely pushed it over the top...oh...and i forgot to tell you...if you ever want to feel really old, just go to a high school football game...definitely worked for me...until the next time...mikecraig c/o '95 senior class vp and most likely to become a millionaire is signing off...
hello ladies and gents it's your boy mikecraig just back from a long grueling trip back to the rock...where i celebrated my 10 year high school class reunion...here's a hint...when you can talk about your 10 year high school reunion in the past tense you are officially old...so i guess i be dat...people joked with me when i told them i was headed back to the rock for the reunion about how my classmates would be dead or in jail and i'll be damned if them jokes didn't come to life throughout the weekend...however in real life these jokes weren't very funny at all...but overall the weekend was cool...all of the networking/business card exchanging left a real good taste in my mouth...i used to think there were only 2 types of people in the rock...the ones that made it out and the ones that got stuck...this weekend really showed me this other group that made it "in"...the cats that are not just cutting hair but owning barber shops...folks who have traveled to the farthest corners of the globe and returned to tell stories of epic heroism...ok there weren't many stories of heroism but i've always wanted to use that line...a couple folks who have received and accepted the calling to lead god's people...a professor...good mothers and fathers and some who are just being good old contributing members of society...and some bad ass kids...for the school itself...j. a. fair high school looked different but eerily familiar...i can still remember the days running the halls with the trademark headbands...back in the days when gang signs and weed smoke used to fill the hall way air...none of that was there when i showed up...probably because it was 6 pm and school lets out at 3:40...but that's not important....i was shocked and saddened to find out that not too long after i left the school became a dumping ground for the incorrigible ...those whom the district had given up on...i was saddened at the notion that they had enough problem children to fill a school and shocked because i thought they had been doing that since the year i got there...just another sign that it ain't all good in our community...overall i give the weekend 4.25 stars...those hot krispy kreme doughnuts i ran across on my way out definitely pushed it over the top...oh...and i forgot to tell you...if you ever want to feel really old, just go to a high school football game...definitely worked for me...until the next time...mikecraig c/o '95 senior class vp and most likely to become a millionaire is signing off...
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