donde esta' la bibliotheca, pedro...

alert the authorities cuz i've breached the borders again...this time to the only place in the world with more mexicans than l. a...and no it's not texas...that's right...mexico...home of piñatas, taco bell and chihuahuas...it's north america's version of "one of these kids is doing his own thing"...or maybe more like bruh man from martin the way they keep sneaking into the country...

mexico invented hustling...simply stated, mexico is what jamaica wants to be when it grows up...

when i visit a new country i'm usually hell bent on ditching the hotel room to hug a few locals, but mexico didn't really give me that "come hug me" vibe...sure it was cool that you could buy newspapers, chico sticks, marlboros, cotton candy, batteries, a stop watch, a clown suit, and an 11 year old drug mule on the same corner...from the same 8 year old kid...but all that "let me put this gun in your face so i can relieve you of all your valuables" madness...not cool...it probably didn't help that i was in the real mexico not that soft touristy cabo/cancun jive everyone always raves about...nope...i was in cuernavaca...it's spanish for "what am i going to do with all this dope"...i think i just made that up...however it is a widely known fact that mexico is mustache deep in the drug trade...trafficking billions of dollars of blow straight across the border by any means necessary...it's so deep that i'm almost positive our little shampoo making operation down there is just a front to move more of that powder...there's got to be a reason why the plant has armed guards...and the plant manager wears a vest and rides in a maybach...and they make the employees get naked when they come to work...or maybe the ladies just did that because i was there...that was a joke mr. unilever...please don't relieve me of my shampoo flipping duties...unless you plan to give me a sizeable severance package that would allow me to lay up in a hammock, eat honey buns and write until my wit bleeds...i digress...

so i managed to survive my stint in the deep deep south without getting kidnapped, mugged or shaken down by local law enforcement...i did get a chance to tour some of cuernavaca and mexico city...both very colorful places...like maybe at some point in their history they pissed off crayola, the god of color, and he rained down hues upon them with great wrath and fury...or maybe somebody put mexico city in the washing machine with a 16 pack of magic markers...in any event, riding around looking at the buildings made me feel like i was stuck in some super-sized kaleidoscope...or maybe i was just stuck at the intersection of lsd and sherwin williams...

all in all, mexico was a positive experience...the hotel was banging...and so were some of the chicas...due to the work schedule and my bitching up at the prospects of going it alone at night, i didn't really make any new friends...but i did get to see my first cock fight...or maybe those were just feathered mexican midgets...whatever they were, they were fierce...and i managed to escape the ire of mr montezuma...to those unaware...montezuma's revenge is the term given to the watery ass-fire that usually ensues when unsuspecting americans drink from the tap (or other beverages containing local water)down here...a couple of the co-workers got done in...not pretty..

...and with that, i'll sign off but not without dispersing a few pesos (they've been grossed up to account for the conversion rate)...

417 pesos to m joshi...congrats on the promo...it was long overdue...
604 pesos to f craig...welcome to the world of steady checks...
331 pesos to s brown, t houston and l parker...welcome to the dirty thirty club...
173 pesos to l jenkins for being the first one to read down this far...
279 pesos to h box for getting me acquainted with 17 different crushes...even though i don't even know 17 people...
954 pesos to c attucks for surviving another move...
263 pesos to m wright and l mccarley in lieu of real bday presents...
262 pesos to y caviness in lieu of a real house warming present...
589 pesos to k kinte for keeping it real...
-230 pesos to s bell for being a copy cat...
11 pesos to e barnes for repetitive assessments of my dining practices...
333 pesos to m ewing to split equally between you and your 2 new friends...
179 pesos to j mcduffie for giving me my first role in a major film...you've received pesos so now you're locked into it...
56 pesos to j davis for hooking me up with big sister davis...
506 pesos to r dailey for taking the white man out of the drug trade...

whew...looks like i'm peso'ed out...