the big one 7/29/08

so it's 11:40-ish in the am and i'm sitting at my desk trying to find new innovative ways to look busy while at the same time wasting company money when all of a sudden it happened...i pooted...don't judge me...i have my own office...i wasn't expecting any visitors and any visitors that may've shown up should've called first...i digress...as the poot was lacing it's way through the denim to join his friends and family at the poot reunion that is my office chair, i felt a bit of a rumble...but this one wasn't from the inside...my first thought was that the rapture had begun and jesus had picked up our building to take it to the promise land and was trying to find a way to shake me out of it...but then reality set in...he wouldn't do that...he loves me...this i know...cuz the bible tells me so...it then dawned on me...i wasn't the only one pooting then...apparently the earths crust had a little energy it needed to release as well...it was indeed, my first earthquake experience...since we've never had an earthquake drill, i was a bit puzzled as to what my next move should be...should i jump in the door frame, jump under the desk or just stuff my pockets with all of my desk drawer candy so that after la was destroyed i could rise from the rubble as the king of suckers and breath mints...while stuck in decision making mode i realized that the shaking had stopped...and the aftershocks were now occurring 2 inches behind my left nipple...

i checked my extremities...my face...my neck...my back...my uh just like that...dammit...i hate when that happens...anyway...all seemed to be in tact...so then i grabbed my back pack and set out to do what all la inhabitants do in times like these...loot...a little weighted down by all the candy , i jumped through the window of our company store like the dude at the beginning of wanted...i then bounced to my feet and started grabbing all the lawry's and vaseline cocoa body butter i (and my satchel) could hold...then i made a dash out to the parking lot so i could off load the goods in my get away car...imagine my surprise when i get to the parking lot and realize all of my co-workers waiting patiently at the "pre-established safe points"...looking at me like i done stole something...shit...it's pretty easy to catch looters when there's only one of them...so yeah...i may be in need of some legal assistance...

in any event...thanks to those who checked in on me...and to those that didn't...i'm fine...no thanks to you...my crib was cool...so was cryspus attucks and the rest of my belongings...halle and the baby are fine as well...i kinda felt sorry for all of the news reporters though...scouring the city for that good footage...but all they kept showing was the same grocery store aisle with the 3 tubes of toothpaste tragically laid out on the floor...

this morning i heard them saying that quakes like that one are sometimes precursors to larger more destructive ones...which also means that sometimes they're not...i'm kinda hoping for the latter...my drawers can't take any more soil...

i've attached the action shots from yesterdays ordeal...the first one is a reenactment of the look on my face during the quake...the second one captures all of the destruction that beset my office...oh yeah..let me know if you need any seasoning salt or body butter...i'm just sayin...



mikecraig…